A Single Introvert

Me being a single introvert can be problematic in so many ways in dating. When I first heard of Tender or hook up sites the first thoughts going through my mind wasn't “ew how can people hook up with strangers” or “wow, someone finally found a way to profit from one night stands”. In fact, my initial first thought was “Damn, these people are brave enough to put themselves out there to solely hook up.” One common misconception of us introverts is that we are shy, not outgoing, boring and dull, but for most of us, that's not the case. We enjoy the company of ourselves. Introvertdear.com defines us as “someone who prefers calm, minimally stimulating environments” meaning we love to go to concerts but need to go home right after it’s over.  It wasn't until my thirties when I couldn't figure out why I always loved the idea of going out and being around crowds but when it came down to it I actually enjoyed myself in a more intimate setting. Naturally, I dreaded going on dates. I hate the whole meeting up in a Public setting, getting to know one another, selling the personality thing. Although I'm still an introvert, there are certain ways I've learned to cope when it comes to being a single introvert and dating. 

Stepping out of your comfort zone

I still face this issue to this very day. In order for me to go on dates or meet new people, I need to put myself out there if I want to meet someone. These days online dating is extremely beneficial for us introverts. If you feel more comfortable with the online dating thing, then start a profile and start messaging your interests. Just be prepared for the risks that come with online dating. If online dating isn't for you, then go to where the people are. Whether its church or gaming or work, as long as you are putting yourself out there.

Meeting in your comfort zone

As I previously mentioned, as a single introvert, I prefer intimate environments. I'm not saying bring them back to your place or you to there place. I'm talking about a chill coffee spot or a low key restaurant. Anywhere that makes you feel comfortable if the other party suggests a loud crowded environment, compromise. You may really like that person and may agree to meet in that uncomfortable environment but trust me it gets old really quick and all you can think about is going home. With a little research, there are plenty of places you can go on a date to, just don't take them to your favorite intimate spot. 

Netflix and chill

Us introverts love our movies. so as a single introvert, when the whole “Netflix and chill” trend started, I was all over it until I realized “Netflix and chill”  was code for Netflix and sex or just sex. Netflix and dinner are great options for dates. Start a show together that you can watch weekly so you two can get to know one another well within your comfort zone, at your home or their home. 

Fake it

Understand that you are not alone. There are so many people like you that can't deal with crowds for long periods of time. I personally refuse to go to Disneyland on a weekend or a day that touches a weekend. But dating someone is about compromise, and you may be dating someone that isn't an introvert. If you really like that person, and you both are having a great time at a street fair, but you are ready to go home and recharge,  fake it for them. Don't expect everyone to understand how we introverts operate.

My big sister once told me, “you need to stop enjoying your alone time so much if you want to meet someone” I felt that in my soul. However you decide to approach dating as an introvert, do not be discouraged. Dating as a non-introverted person is hard, we are all in this together. I personally love being a single introvert.  If you feel you are not ready to meet someone new or date, and like me, enjoy your alone time more than the company of others, whenever you come out of your cave to start dating, be ready to get comfortable with being uncomfortable.

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