Literally on my OKcupid it says “Don't waste my time”.
I am clear as day as to what I'm looking, and yet I'm still a magnet for trash men. Which brings me to a guy who I've been (or was) dating for a few months, "Billy" a 43 year old software designer I met on OKcupid. Usually before giving a man my number I go through a list of questions: what is it that you are looking for? Are you dating anyone? Are you currently in a relationship? (sad but true).
If a man answers to MY standards, then I am more inclined to exchange numbers. If it’s not what I like, I always say “ok well Im not what you are looking for I hope you find what you are looking for” or “Im not on your level I hope you find someone who is”. So, me and “Billy” had a connection right away. We were texting each other all day, did the whole “good morning good night” text (women love that shit), had so much in common and said all the right things. On our first date we went to The Federal, a former bank building with high ceilings & chandeliers in Downtown Long Beach. Our date definitely could have went better for me. I broke 2 of my cardinal rules: no sex on the first date, and no bringing men that I hardly know to my house. The next day I woke up in total regret, I had drank entirely too much the previous night, and expected him to ghost me and tbh I wouldn’t have blamed him. But no, we were still into one another we in fact went on 4 or 5 more dates over the course of a month or so. On a Saturday evening I began to wonder if we were on the same page, he really likes me and I felt the same, but I knew that although 2 people can like each other they can also be on separate pages or books, or even libraries! Unlike women, when you mention anything remotely close to exclusivity to men it’s such a touchy topic for them and they avoid it like the plague. It seemed like almost an hour trying to tread lightly and find the right words to text. I went with “ Am i the only person you are dating?” simple and to the point. His response long and full of shit. “I have/ had a few FWB mostly x’s that didn't work out, i haven't seen em in a while. There was one person i went out a while back with and they are talking to me now again though they’re too intense for me. I look on OKC once in a while. Mostly keep busy with projects.” I was completely thrown back by this response. I began to question my OKC profile:Did my page show that i was looking for a relationship, looking for something serious? YES! It does!
I genuinely had a “Fuck you” moment. Now i have to add “do you have friends with benefits?” to the list of questions i ask before i give anyone my number! There were so many questions I had, the main question that popped in my head more than once was WHAT ARE WE DOING? I understand a man with a “busy” schedule HELL, i have one too but you're too busy to be exclusive YET you have time for FWB and dating more than one woman??! I. CALL. BULLSHIT. So I'm expected to be put on the back burner for not only your job (i understand that) but your serial dating habits? Is that the new dating scene? Us as women who want exclusivity are expected to be ok with his wants and needs and put ours on hold? I did this all in my 20’s and 30-something me are all out of fucks.