I have heard it all, from “ wow, very mature of you” to “ I could never do that” I have also heard so many horror stories when it comes baby mama or baby daddy drama. A friend of mine Marley is dealing with her own horror show with her ex’s new wife treating her daughter Mia like she's an inconvenience. Mia comes home with all kinds of stories about her new stepmom saying bad things about her Mom. Hats off to her and the people like her who can handle it because I personally I could not. I love that not only do I get along with my daughter’s father, but I'm friends with his wife. I am aware of how extremely rare my situation is, I hear it every time I tell someone my story with my ex, but I am grateful. It definitely wasn't easy at the start, in fact, it was a nightmare. I and my child’s father had been apart for a few years before him and his wife married. I wasn't open to the initial change at the beginning, I didn't like the idea of different women in and out of my kid's life, and if we’re being honest I wasn't ready for him to move on that meant there was no chance of us getting back together. It wasn't until I fell in love with someone else to see how stupid I was being. I took a step back to look at the just reasons why I didn't like her and realized it was mostly me. Not to mention the extra drama was downright exhausting. My ex is no easy task, but for my daughter's sake, I needed to be the bigger person. So I let go of my personal issues and got to know his future wife, and discovered we had more in common than not. It had occurred to me, she wasn't a bad person. My intentions at first were to just be cordial but over the years we both grew. The fact that we actually all get along gives me peace of mind and we are able to raise our daughter together in 2 separate households.
I distinctly remember going to my nieces 3rd birthday party at John’s Incredible Pizza with my then-boyfriend when I realized the magnitude of our situation. My ex, his new wife, and her daughter were also invited to the party. My brother-in-law’s mother was in complete dismay when she saw how well we all got along. She was very confused and her words were “ I couldn't do that, I would have been fighting everybody”. I found that statement odd. To me it was simple, me and his wife getting along is convenient for all parties involved. Over the years I and his wife's relationship has evolved, in fact, we go out on weekends, hang out at the pool, occasionally I will babysit her daughter, and we even live in the same neighborhood. I am not saying that I and my ex never have disagreements anymore, but all I'm saying is that the occasional disagreements all pertain to our daughter about such things as soccer or softball schedules, and homework. There are weekends where I need favors and need to trade weekends for unforeseen issues and it is extremely helpful to be on their good side.
Getting along with my daughter’s stepmother is mainly beneficial for my daughter it’s just an added bonus for me. If I am the woman my daughter will grow up to be, I want her to view me as a responsible mature adult who is willing to put my issues aside to be a great mother. As she gets older I never want her to feel as though she has to choose aside. With the adults in her life being non problematic, she sees us as a united front.
If I am forced to share custody with my ex and his wife, I am trusting that she will take care of my child as if she were her own. She is my daughter's mother away from her mother. I would rather have an open dialog of communication than to have any animosity or ill feelings with her. Life is already hectic why add more drama to the mix? There are a few things we can't control I believe we can control the drama that enters our lives. When it comes to ex-boyfriends I can honestly say that I could die happy without hearing or seeing them again. But for the ex that I am forced to deal with, I put my baby first, and put my big girl panties on. Now looking back on my childish actions, and remembering the stress I felt if my daughter’s well being, I definitely don't miss those feelings and I love that I can rest easy knowing my daughter is in friends care.