During my 10 minutes of mindless facebook browsing i stumbled on an old picture of mine and came up on an ex who commented. Which I found myself stalking Benjamin’s facebook page this morning out of sheer boredom mixed with curiosity and it was a huge mistake. There wasn't a huge wave of anger and hurt, it was more like a spark of hurt and anger. In fact, as soon as i got off his page reality set in and i was back to semi-normal. He ghosted me 5 or 6 years ago after being together 2 years. I don't want Benjamin anymore but it got me thinking, do we really get over someone who hurt us? I don't want an explanation, i dont give a fuck if it was something I did wrong, I feel I am owed a fucking apology! An I'm sorry for ever leading you on to believe that I loved you, I'm sorry for pretending to care about you, I'm sorry that I'm an middle aged overweight piece of shit and felt I actually deserved you, I'm sorry for pretending to be a nice guy, i'm sorry I wasn't man enough and last but not least I'm sorry for ghosting you without telling you why! It feels like unfinished business. I was an amazing girlfriend and I'm sticking to it! (if you don't tell me what i did wrong then i was pretty fuckin great).
I had a brief six month relationship with Timothy... well me and friends called him “Jesus Tim”. When I think about Timothy I get the urge to scream “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” out of frustration. Timothy was a religious fanatic, know it all, who passed so much judgement on literally everything, and who was dumb as rocks. I have no issue with religious people but Tim called himself an apostle and wanted me to be the first lady of his church...I told him i'm not religious from the beginning, AND told him I will never commit to going to church EVERY fuckin sunday he chose to still be with me. There was a point in our relationship that I could not stand to listen to his voice and wondered why I even still tolerated him, and really i just wanted to fuck him if i'm being honest. He didn't want to have sex with a condom, he didn't want me to be on birth control, he wanted me to get pregnant and bare him a son, and felt I was cheating just mentioning masterbation. Hence, we never had sex. I entertained him briefly until he was against me having a GAY male best friend and he gave me an ultimatum. Of course I chose my best friend and “Jesus Tim” was no more. Our relationship was doomed from the start he loved the lord as much as i loved to use the lord's name in vain. Every so often I will still get an “i miss you” text which stirs up those “shut the fuck up” feelings i roll my eyes throw my head back and say OH GOD WHAT DO YOU WAAANNNTT!?? and the text gets ignored. Luckily the small tinge of emotions that I have for my exes comes as fast as they go away.